February 2012
5 posts
“Can’t two guys smoke hookah, drink beer and watch the republican debates with out being accused of being a gay couple? I have a wedding ring on - and Mark didn’t! I can’t help it if I’m a very well dressed man!”
-My husband
Damn it, The Office!
You’re setting your show in Tallahassee for the next few weeks and all of your characters keep making sweeping declorations about being in Florida and how great Florida is and other generic Florida items. But you’re not in Florida. You’re in Tallahassee. You’re 20 minutes from the Georgia border. There are hills and red dirt, and you are at least one hour from a beach, and...
If I were smart, I would take a nap.
I woke up at 6:30 to go run a 5k on what has turned out to be the coldest day in DC this winter. I ran the race with the real fear of slipping on snow and the pretend fear of my lungs exploding from the cold and then I promptly started drinking at 9:36 am as one does after a race. Now it’s 1:15 pm, and some how the day has disapeared into mimosas and beer, its terribly cold outside and...
Perfect
Kelly Oxford asked what the deal is with Rooney Mara’s look, re, why does she still look like the girl with dragon tatoo.
I was reading the comments when I came across this gem.
In my opinion i think everyone is pretty nd prefrct in every way.
I’m not even trying to make fun of this person. I don’t know what I’m trying to do about this comment but I’m pretty sure...
3 tags
The Huffington Post wrote a story about my cat.
True Story.
It’s right here.
January 2012
10 posts
2 tags
Chocolate Milk in my Corn Flakes
Did I just invent the most important thing that’s ever been invented?
Surely I didn’t, but did I?
3 tags
Voter Rights
I emailed my dad this story about the allegations in South Carolina that over 900 people that voted in the primaries were dead.
Something about needing to be dead to support Gingrich. There’s a joke there. I don’t know. I bought you the ingredients, you make the cake.
Shake Weight Facial Cleasing Kit Rain Boots?
Shake Weight Facial Cleansing Kit Rain Boots!
and also
“this tastes like racism”
same girl
what country is flimish? flim…in…gun…?
best thing that's ever been said immediately after...
me: strongbow is the most delicious thing.
friend: ever had sandwiches?
Dear Coke Talk: On three girls who don't get it. →
Coketalk rarely gets it wrong, but this time she nailed it.
dearcoketalk:
Dear Coquette,
I started dating an older guy about four months ago. Even though I waited a while to sleep with him and tried to take it slow, he somehow Jedi mind-tricked me, and it turned into a casual sex relationship. Once I realized this, I was already addicted to the sex and couldn’t…
December 2011
9 posts
1 tag
A follow up to yesterdays post:
These are not my initials.
1 tag
Christmas is the time of year
that I’m reminded that my family doesn’t know my last name.
Things aren't good on the friendship front
When thinking about a blossoming new work friendship that I would actually consider evolving into an outside-of-work friendship, I just had the fleeting thought “Oh. Maybe we could be best friends!”
So. that’s where I am.
A 12 year old boy just skateboarded up next to me while I was running and told me
“You shouldn’t be exercising…you’re beautiful already”
Thanks kid, you just made my whole day. And I spent 30 bucks on a dresser at Ikea today, so you had some stiff competition.
Things that were awesome about my work christmas party:
It was 80’s themed
Ridiculous costumes ensued
I wore a giant puffy sleeved dress, neon pink tights, white lacey bobby socks and teased my bangs like my life depended on it
The DJ blasted 80’s music all night
Karaoke bar after party…in costume…
Danced my ass off and sang karaoke like a boss
Only had 3 beers all...
1 tag
Munchies
A couple of weeks ago I asked Jeff what he wanted for Christmas. He sarcastically said the first thing that came to his mind.
“Popcorn”
There was more to it, some inside joke from earlier in the day or something that made it sort of jackassy, but at this point I don’t really remember. What I do remember is telling him-
“Oh yeah. You’re getting a tin of popcorn for...
Jeff, on potentially meeting my teeny bopper...
Me: Listen, I’m really serious. If you meet Carson Daly I need you to get his autograph.
Jeff: I can’t ask for his autograph while I’m working. That’s unprofessional. But I can shake his hand and then touch you inapropriately with it.
*a month or so ago, he was mere feet away from the president, maya angelou, stevie wonder and more…but Carson Daly? Now we’re...
November 2011
5 posts
How I spent my Thanksgiving Break - A Picture...
Somewhere in those days I became married for two years. When we got back to DC we celebrated life this.
Nothing beats getting drunk in your pajamas with your husband on a Sunday night.
Life is really great.
1 tag
Husband, on PMS
Jeff - You know I was joking, right?
Me - Um, obviously.
Jeff - Well I don’t know. You just said you were moody and cranky. I didn’t want you to take it the wrong way.
Me - No I didn’t. I said I was crampy and achy.
Jeff - Those are the same things.
October 2011
11 posts
2 tags
Nerd-o-ween
me as the T.A.R.D.I.S.
With The Doctor and Amy
Reference:
Pretty pleased with how many people knew who we were last night… success!
1 tag
I <3 CAPS LOCKS
1 tag
aaawwww yyyyeeeaaahh
my Tumblr Eat up came today from Cathy, who did not mention her tumblr name to me.
Making baked goods for strangers is one thing, but reading someones tumblr? thats personal.
I digress.
Apple Bundt cake(s)!!!, cinnamon dulce cappacinno and a lovely note with the recipe included!
self diagnosis
I’ve had 5 strangers in the past week talk to me, but I thought they were looking behind me so I would turn to see who they were talking to before realizing they were talking to me.
5 times.
This means I have a brain tumor, right?
thatwhitebitch:
Over the years I’ve come to let up on some of my strict grammar ideals. Listen, this is the internet. It’s mostly run by 4chan and 14-year-old girls. So sure, I’ll comment on a friend’s Facebook photo, “OMGGGGG I LOVE THISSSSSSSSSSSSS” and put 17 extra Gs on “OMG,” not to mention the swift adoption of the phrase “OMG.” But one thing I cannot get down with is a...
1 tag
tumblr eat up/reddit treat up
Done and Done!
S’mores brownies, peanut butter witch fingers, apple cakes and lots of candy.
1 tag
I am very attracted to my husband.
Before I walked in on him vacuuming the fan, he yelled “All of the clean clothes are put away!”
He’s like He-Man, but instead of killing bad guys he’s killing domestic chores.
1 tag
My favorite word
is arbitrary.
But there are others I like, too.
2 tags
Call me cliched but
The B Side to Abbey Road is the most perfect collection of songs that have ever existed.
September 2011
18 posts
Jeff's impersonation of me.
In a super annoying, teen girl squad-esque voice
“Hi! I’m Sarah! Doctor Who is on! Brunch! Necklaces!”
If this is what my husband thinks of me, I hate to think what the rest of the world imagines.
1 tag
White Girl Problems
I’m looking for a dress to wear to a wedding but all of the one’s I like are white.
2 tags
Cat knocked over a glass of water all over the...
I haven’t finished my cup of coffee. I just turned the little oscillating fan on and pointed it towards the giant spill.
It’s too early for towels and shit.
Last night at happy hour
after we ordered our 3rd drinks, the bartender brought them to us and then said “and would you also like a glass of water?”
That’s bartender for “we’d like for you to stop drinking in this establishment”.
Sometimes I worry this town doesn’t get me.
1 tag
Inspector Spacetime
Eliminate!
3 tags
Dear Tumblr,
Why does my cat cry relentlessly until I get out of bed, only to instantly fall asleep once I get up?
or
How does my sleeping interfere with my cat’s sleep?
3 tags
Nerds.
Home alone for the night so I thought I would whip up a batch of oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for dinner.
After eating enough to serve at a work office party, I went to put them away.
I got all of the cookies except for one to fit into a large ziplock bag. I hesitated for a moment as the thought of wasting another bag on one cookie crossed my mind and then I honestly thought
...
2 tags
See You Next Cuntsday.
3 tags
The important thing I realized while watching the...
This Guy:
is also
This Guy:
I’m not sure why it took a lot of booze to ignite that realization in me, but when I screamed it loudly in the DC FSU bar I got a lot of “wow you’re dumb” looks.
So what?! Who cares?! Football and shit.